Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Vertigo Relapse

I was reading my previous previous posts on this blog just now and while I was reading it...I felt nauseating and this weird sense of vertigo...not quite sure...but I felt really unwell..

Then it hit me, I think I'm relapsing back to my old worry self...Shet!

I was talking about the same thing! How my problems jumble up & I need to clear my mind & figure what exactly are the problems, me playing back the piano (only difference is I know some songs now & I'm starting to draw again...last time i drew anything was in highshool...lol), talk about taking a holiday at a beach/island sumwhere...There were some really2 stupid posts that I was like "what the hell wuz I thinking when writing this stuff?"

Crap...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A thought...

It did occur to me last night that there are those who have to sacrifice their wants for the good of others...even your own dreams/aspirations...but for a good cause, for your family is a good example...

If that happens to me, I do hope I will be able to accept it. Hey, since I don't know my hopes & dreams right now...why not huh? It wouldn't be that bad...I think it'll be worse if you HAVE goals that you so badly wish to achieve, but you have to let it all go due to circumstances or whatever...that's one helluva challenge...

Ugh...my minds in a mess...need to pinpoint what's exactly is bothering me...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Turning over a new leaf

Heh, me last post was like last year... ah well...

let's see...what has happened...well first of all, Alhamdulillah I'm actually striving to meet my religious obligations 5 times a day...If I miss one, I make sure I compensate. Surprisingly, I feel so much better...relieved actually...I worry less nowadays...although challenges and/or obstacles do arise occasionally...But as they say, "God never gives you something that you can't handle, and never takes back anything without which u can't live." :)

Its good to appreciate the little things...the benefits performing my religious obligations is astounding...I mean, I remember the 1st day I prayed Subuh on time...(I rarely do, but I'm committed to make it happen, InsyaAllah) on some mornings I would by a packet or 2 of nasi lemak from this shop...but MOST of the time, even when I wake up early...there weren't be any more nasi lemak left. But on the day I prayed Subuh, they were in abundance! It may seem trivial or whatever or even coincidental...but to me, it meant alot.

I'm slowly learning how to accept the unexpected such as when plans go awry or last minute changes. So I've learned abit about acceptance & not to worry about things I have no control over...I must admit though, sometimes I do revert back to my old worry-wort self once in awhile...

I've been elected as the president for the entertainment/staff welfare committee this year. So I'm in charge of the external & internal gatherings/staff activities for the company. The biggest challenge so far was the company trip. Learned quite a bit on organizing such things...Just got back from the trip actually...It wasn't my type of trip, but it was a learning experience. Hopefully I could do better for the other activities as well.

So far my challenges right now consists of figuring out my future...career-wise, love life/marriage, perhaps more to what I want in this life...goals, achievement & what not...I'm a bit lost at the moment, as in what the future holds for me...looking for something to drive me onwards...to get the feeling of satisfaction of achieving something that I've always wanted to do...Unfortunately, I'm not sure what it is...I tried playing the piano again...but it seems more like just to occupy my time...tried drawing again...I haven't drawn in years...so you could imagine the outcome...heh...I thought it would be games, you know? Making computer games or something...but now I'm not so sure...so far I've only reached to creating concepts but never implemented or develop any of it yet.

I want that sparkle, when someone asks what you're doing...you practically lit up at being asked...where you can proudly say that you're doing something you love passionately & it brings so much joy talking about it. I've seen a few of them like that, and how I envy them...

I thought if I wrote it all down here, things would be clearer...maybe a hint or a clue or a gist of an idea on what I am supposed to do...I guess not...

But I am so grateful for what I have so far...In time, InsyaAllah, my path, whatever it is, will be clear to me...and I hope to God, that I am up to it & given the opportunity to fulfill it.