Note To Self

"Never confuse volume with impact -- the two seldom achieve the same thing. You have got to make people want to listen to you: You can't force it. Charm and kindness are what you should rely on right now. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!"

This was on me horoscope today...I agree to what it says but there are times it doesn't work...Well, actually...in my case it never works...You see, it's always have been my nature to accept people for who they are...Of course, some of their behaviors or attitudes maybe not so likeable but I've grown to get used to them. Hey, it's their life and their right to be who they want to be...Who am I to say otherwise right?

But there are times that you see them...you know, you just want to help him/her to change? There's tonnes of reasons why you wanted to change him/her; they embarass themselves without themselves knowing it,or to let them realise how stupid the way their acting/doing/wearing/etc...you know? You just want to help them change to become better persons? I know because some did it to me...perhaps during the time when they tried on me, I didn't appreciated it. Who would? Well, very few could accept it on the first go... Those few who could accept it and LISTEN are those who I respect the most. It's hard and tough to listen to your own faults even to those faults that sounded absurd...those faults that you thought you never had...

For example, previously...I wasn't social AT ALL... AND on top of that I wear these..."rags" (which is in fact a poor excuse to call as decent clothing...or rags for that matter) all the time. I would wear really worn out clothes outside (I think it's because their very comfortable or some shit like that)...a real sight for sore eyes...I had very few friends and not that keen to have anymore friends due to my lack of confidence of myself...(Imagine this: when someone introduce themselves and offer their hand to shake, I won't look in the eye instead look somewhere else and shake their hands.) I hated to look myself in the mirror, I rarely talk unless I'm supposed to ( When someone ask a question, I'll answer...you know...That sort of short reply answers? "Where do you stay?" "Subang" full stop. End of conversation.) I'll always get scolded with me mum and always picking a fight with me sis...

I can't remember how many times my friends tried to help me improve myself and ignored their advice or how many times I DID try to improve but it was always short-lived...Why? Because I knew I wasn't actually doing it for myself, I was doing it for them. In my opinion, it rarely works when you're doing something for the wrong reasons or for doing it for someone's benefit not your own.

How did I improve myself? Because I WANTED TO. It just came to me...I said to myself, I want to change...I call up some friends and ASK what's wrong with me. THEN I LISTENED to my faults...From then onwards, I started to REALLY improve myself. I started to learn how to talk to people, wear nice clothes, get to know more friends, learn to accept my limits, had an open discussion with my mum, although argumentative but beneficial to both of us, started being more nicer to my sis...There were many factors that helped me improved...but what I wanted to point out was that I was the one who seek advice to improve myself...It was when I wanted advice was when I changed...not when people GAVE me advice...It was because I WANTED TO LISTEN TO ADVICE.

When someone has a problem, I TRY to give suggestions NOT advice...but it's still the same...won't be heard...because they don't want to listen to it...I get it...But it does get on my nerves sometimes...You asked for help, I did (offered several suggestions or even sometimes advice)...you still don't want to listen to it and still ask for help...What the hell am I suppose to do? Sometimes I know people would not take any advice just because they feel good after complaining and whining about the matter until they tire about it. Wouldn't it be easier just by telling me that all you want to do is to complain about it rather than actually feigning to ask for help? You guys know how it feels right when you help a friend, giving ideas and suggestions how to solve a problem but then the friend was feigning interest to listen to all your ideas that you effortly try come up with? You feel down right unappreciated, man! I've got to learn how to read body language, and when I see the person just wants to omplain...I'll at least know I don't have to think to help him out...only shut up and listen...it makes my life easier...

Actually there are some other reasons why I hate giving advice. ONE of course is because its pointless when the person is unwilling to listen to it. SECOND is when its not unwillingly to be heard, its a given fact that what comes in people's mind is the question whether I take my own advice or not. Of course I rarely take my own advice! Very few do! Those who DO take their own advice are those who are successful in their lives...It's not an easy thing! I know because whenever someone gives advice to me when I'm unwilling to listen and think to myself whether that person actually takes their own advice or not...I do it too! And of course I realize! I also want to follow my own advice! BUT IT IS NOT EASY! Urgh...How I myself infuriates myself...haha

But it really feels great when you can have an honest open mind about it...For example, there is this one time...I usually had to organize a badminton event for me and me friends...I hate organizing that time because of all the miscommunications and stress involved in it. And one time, I messed up the event and a friend of mine was pissed off. He told me EXACTLY what was my fault...it truly hurt when a friend tells you off what you're exact problem is when he's pissed off. There were some parts were purely releasing steam off...I listened to all...but it was me to judge which part had truth and which part was not...He told me himself why he told me off, to help me improve...Afterwards, I did improved my "organising" skills and I was complemented by the same guy who told me off...Do you know how great it felt? You've improved for YOUR OWN SELF and someone took notice and genuinely complemented you for it? It's beyond priceless...

It doesn't matter if the volume was loud or soft when someone gives you an advice. It's the impact that they're trying to send to you is what is important. It's you who judge if there is any truth in what they say and it's you who judge whether to follow or not. All you need to do is just LISTEN. Put aside your emotions when you LISTEN and THINK what has been said.

I know it hurts...but like they say...no pain no gain...

HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY MAKE PEOPLE LISTEN TO YOU OTHER THAN WHEN THEY WANT TO?

I've tried raising my voice, it didn't work. I tried speaking softly, it didn't work. I tried speaking openly about it, it didn't work. I tried talking privately, it didn't work. I tried directly telling it to the face straight, it didn't work. I tried indirectly or behind-the-bush, it didn't work.

Can someone please tell me? I don't think there's any other way...but if there is...please share won't you?

So this post is to remind me to NOT to give advice unless the person is asking for it. I know, there are times when my patience ends or I just can't stand with it and I would give advice with or without an increase of volume to my words. AND I know when that moment comes it would be pointless because I KNOW you're unwilling to hear of it. For that, I apologize...I'm only human...I have my limits...I just wanted to help and I was hoping beyond hope that'll you'll listen just this one time...Well, I'm tired of helping and not being listened to...So I'll shut up about giving advice until you're asking for it. And if they still ask for help/suggestions/advice even after I DID, I'll just shut up and listen to the whining and complaining...

I don't mind listening to anyone's problem...really I don't...It's just...

Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Who watches the watchmen?

EVERYONE has something to say, it's just the matter whether you care to listen or not...

It would be nice if someone could listen to me...TRULY listen...hahaha... :)